could i simply be a coward? afraid to take her chances, when she has the opportunity to take it? or am i just a waste of time, even for myself? i mean…i value time, time ticks away and time lost, is gone forever. but yet, i do not use time productively. nothing much really happens. or that is how i perceive it to be? i am confused with myself. too many voices, too many opinions, too many thoughts. please!! one by one. i cannot do everything. i have to prioritize. i am so disorganized, i think that’s impossible. think negative, that’s all i can do, can i? NO. that’s a lie. i can be optimistic and positive. ask mia!! she’s been helping me out. she’s been there. she knows me inside out!! yes, mia. she tried talking some sense into you. she tried by being blunt, by being sympathetic…but you’ve been pathetic. you’ve been in that self-saddistic moment forever. NO!! i am not. i merely have no faith in myself. i believe i am not good enough. i believe i am just a stupid prick who knows what to do but just cannot focus long enough to do it. do i need help? i think i do. i cannot do this alone. i tried, and i tried. mia cannot help me…because she’s me. we can talk and think as much as we want. but no one’s there to push us do you get it? no one. if i fail you and you fail me, we need an alternative. please…i need help. and please…i want to change.
He has helped me in many ways…but i too have to help myself.
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